Rules for a Happy Halloween!!!
Oct. 28th, 2003 07:26 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ickaimpI got these years ago in an e-mail and hung on to them. Hope you enjoy them!
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I'm sure that you've seen these rules before and really, they're just common sense. But since we're coming up to that time of the year, I think it's wise to review them. Something about this time of year can play havoc with otherwise sensible people.
Just in case you have forgotten the rules for a safe and Happy Halloween...
1. When it appears that you have killed the monster, NEVER check to see if it's really dead.
2. Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke.
3. Do not search the basement, especially if the power has gone out.
4. If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language which they should not know, shoot them immediately. It will save you a lot of grief in the long run. However, it will probably take several rounds to kill them, so be prepared. This also applies to kids who speak with somebody else's voice.
5. When you have the benefit of numbers, NEVER pair off and go it alone.
6. As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open portals to Hell.
7. Never stand in, on, or above a grave, tomb, or crypt. This would apply to any other house of the dead as well.
8. If you're searching for something which caused a loud noise and find out that it's just the cat, GET THE HELL OUT!
9. If appliances start operating by themselves, do not check for short
circuits; just get out!
10. Do not take ANYTHING from the dead.
11. If you find a town which looks deserted, there's probably a good reason for it. Don't stop and look around.
12. Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're sure you know what you're doing. And even if you're sure you know what you're doing, just don't fool with it!
13. If you're running from the monster, expect to trip or fall down at least twice. Also note that, despite the fact that you are running and the monster is merely shambling along, it's still moving fast enough to catch up with you.
14. If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic behaviour such as hissing, fascination for blood, glowing eyes, increasing hairiness, and so on, kill them immediately.
15. Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which are listed here: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, Nilbog (you're in trouble if you recognise this one), the Bermuda Triangle, or any small town in Maine.
16. If your car runs out of gas at night on a lonely road, do not go to the nearby deserted looking house to phone for help. If you think that it is strange because you thought you had half of a tank, shoot yourself instead. You are going to die anyway, and most likely be eaten.
17. If you find that your house is built upon a cemetery, now is the time to move in with the in-laws. This applies to houses that had previous inhabitants who went mad or died in some horrible fashion, or had inhabitants who performed satanic practices in your house.
18. If you find any dolls or toys that you find to be cute and adorable that can talk when you pull a string, don't take it home to your son or daughter unless your sure that the only way that this toy talks is by way of pulling the string or pushing a button.
19. When you start having dreams in which you are being chased by a person and/or persons with one hand equivalent to something that can put an eye out or possibly puncture scratches, scrapes, cuts, or possibly holes....kill yourself since you can't escape it and will probably end up dead any way.
20. If someone calls you asking you strange questions as to what you're wearing right now, where you are in the house or if you like a certain type of movie, you may as well die right there since you know there's either someone in your upstairs, in your closet, or in your backyard.
21. The more important you are in a situation, the less likely you will die...of course the killer and/or killers will come after you last and will most likely torture you by killing your friends and family off...one by one.
22. Shoot anyone that exhibits a 360 degree head spin.
23. Dress appropriately. When investigating a noise downstairs in an old house, women should not wear a flimsy negligee. And carry a flashlight, not a candle.
24. Do not mention the names of demons around open flames, as these can flare suddenly. Be especially careful of fireplaces in this regard.
25. Do not go looking for witches in the Maryland countryside.
+++
Should do these, Detective Conan style. >D
And I'm pretty sure we still have that 'Things to do with a Disembodied Heiji Head' chat saved around here somewhere... *snickers*
+++
I'm sure that you've seen these rules before and really, they're just common sense. But since we're coming up to that time of the year, I think it's wise to review them. Something about this time of year can play havoc with otherwise sensible people.
Just in case you have forgotten the rules for a safe and Happy Halloween...
1. When it appears that you have killed the monster, NEVER check to see if it's really dead.
2. Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke.
3. Do not search the basement, especially if the power has gone out.
4. If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language which they should not know, shoot them immediately. It will save you a lot of grief in the long run. However, it will probably take several rounds to kill them, so be prepared. This also applies to kids who speak with somebody else's voice.
5. When you have the benefit of numbers, NEVER pair off and go it alone.
6. As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open portals to Hell.
7. Never stand in, on, or above a grave, tomb, or crypt. This would apply to any other house of the dead as well.
8. If you're searching for something which caused a loud noise and find out that it's just the cat, GET THE HELL OUT!
9. If appliances start operating by themselves, do not check for short
circuits; just get out!
10. Do not take ANYTHING from the dead.
11. If you find a town which looks deserted, there's probably a good reason for it. Don't stop and look around.
12. Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're sure you know what you're doing. And even if you're sure you know what you're doing, just don't fool with it!
13. If you're running from the monster, expect to trip or fall down at least twice. Also note that, despite the fact that you are running and the monster is merely shambling along, it's still moving fast enough to catch up with you.
14. If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic behaviour such as hissing, fascination for blood, glowing eyes, increasing hairiness, and so on, kill them immediately.
15. Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which are listed here: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, Nilbog (you're in trouble if you recognise this one), the Bermuda Triangle, or any small town in Maine.
16. If your car runs out of gas at night on a lonely road, do not go to the nearby deserted looking house to phone for help. If you think that it is strange because you thought you had half of a tank, shoot yourself instead. You are going to die anyway, and most likely be eaten.
17. If you find that your house is built upon a cemetery, now is the time to move in with the in-laws. This applies to houses that had previous inhabitants who went mad or died in some horrible fashion, or had inhabitants who performed satanic practices in your house.
18. If you find any dolls or toys that you find to be cute and adorable that can talk when you pull a string, don't take it home to your son or daughter unless your sure that the only way that this toy talks is by way of pulling the string or pushing a button.
19. When you start having dreams in which you are being chased by a person and/or persons with one hand equivalent to something that can put an eye out or possibly puncture scratches, scrapes, cuts, or possibly holes....kill yourself since you can't escape it and will probably end up dead any way.
20. If someone calls you asking you strange questions as to what you're wearing right now, where you are in the house or if you like a certain type of movie, you may as well die right there since you know there's either someone in your upstairs, in your closet, or in your backyard.
21. The more important you are in a situation, the less likely you will die...of course the killer and/or killers will come after you last and will most likely torture you by killing your friends and family off...one by one.
22. Shoot anyone that exhibits a 360 degree head spin.
23. Dress appropriately. When investigating a noise downstairs in an old house, women should not wear a flimsy negligee. And carry a flashlight, not a candle.
24. Do not mention the names of demons around open flames, as these can flare suddenly. Be especially careful of fireplaces in this regard.
25. Do not go looking for witches in the Maryland countryside.
+++
Should do these, Detective Conan style. >D
And I'm pretty sure we still have that 'Things to do with a Disembodied Heiji Head' chat saved around here somewhere... *snickers*