Fun at D&D.
May. 24th, 2009 08:19 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ickaimp“We need a plan to take over the world. It should involve purple skittles and a clown.”
”Or a tractor trailer, a marching band and a 60-foot tall chicken made of wood.”
”And purple skittles. They’re the Taste O’ Death.”
”I’ll be Liberace before I’m Michael Jackson.”
(repeated frequently)
Rogue: “I AM NOT TAINTED! I’M JUST MISUNDERSTOOD!!!”
”You’re gonna try to ride the Giant Chicken?”
”Yes.”
”Go on. It’ll be awesome. For us.”
“It’s a Giant Chicken, I tell you! A Giant Chicken!”
”No. It’s Ultra Mega Chicken!”
”Robot Chicken!”
*A few people start singing the song to ‘Robot Chicken’*
”-You guys don’t get much done, do you?”
”No. We just kinda stumble around and eventually kill things.”
DM: “By the way, when you dodged passed the Giant Chicken, it took a peck at you and missed.”
Eladrien Cleric: “I’m very good at dodging cock.”
”The chicken explodes, leaving bits of chicken all over the Dwarf.”
”Dinner’s on the Dwarf!”
”… Literally.”
DM: “A little while later, you run across three small robed figures that look a lot like Kobolds. What do you do?”
Rogue: *flails* “We Ate Your Chicken!”
”Don’t worry! We’ve never been known to rape any chicken girls!”
”-But then we’ve never met any chicken girls!”
”Naked isn’t always a good idea.”
”Naked is ALWAYS a good idea!”
”But if I’m naked, where am I going to put my weapons?”
”Put them up your butt!”
”Spandex Space!”
”… I have some Very. Large. Blades. Brass knuckles and such. … i-I don’t want them up my butt...”
”Thunder…. Thunder… THUNDER-PANTS HOOOOooooo~!!!!”
DM: Who’s this?
SwordMage: It’s me.
Rogue: Rarlgh ragh rarlgh rarlgh rah!!!
DM: He swings at you!
SwordMage: *deadpan* He misses.
(nope)
”I’m gonna kill him and maul him and call him George.”
”I want to get two stamps, one that says ‘Not’ and one that says ‘Un’. That way I can undo whatever the DM stamps on my sheet.”
”’Not Resurrected’?”
”And ‘Un-Deceased’, yeah.”
”Is anybody bloodied?”
”How about a ‘Bloodied Mary’? That’d be nice.”
”… Naw. That only happens once a month.”
”You crit’d, didn’t you?”
”Yeah.”
”Feels good, doesn’t it?”
”Yeah.”
Dwarf:: ”Look, just move it there.”
Wizard: ”But that hits the Rogue.”
Dwarf:: ”And?”
Rogue: ”The Rogue is not Tainted! The Rogue is Enraged!”
Rogue: ”… You just crit’d, didn’t you?”
Wizard: *Squeaks* “I’m sorry! It’s my first one!”
Rogue: ”-You Whore!!!!”
”She crit’d the Rogue and missed the monsters.”
”Dude, if she gets herself knocks unconscious, I’m throwing my axe. And I didn’t do it. No one saw me do it.”
”If the swamp is frozen, does that mean it’s easier to navigate?”
*Debate on how Dragons make perfect sense in D&D, but Dinosaurs don’t make any sense what so ever.*
DM: “Who looks crunchy?”
Barbarian: ”I do.”
Dwarf:: “Me.”
Cleric: “I am.”
DM: “Adzel the Crunchable, we’ll go for you first.”
Wizard: ”Crunchatize me, Captain!”
Rogue: “My taint will keep me safe!”
Icka!: “Wait… Your –team- will keep you safe?!”
Rogue: “Oh, hell no. My taint will. My team will leave me to die and laugh.”
Icka!: “Okay good. If you said team, I was about to say that your faith was severely misplaced.”
”No shit, don’t move to Missouri.”
”What about Missouri?”
”Missouri loves company.”
”Jesus is the original zombie.”
”Yes.”
”No!”
”No?”
”Lazarus is the original zombie. Jesus is the original Lich Necromancer.”
DM: “A troll pulls out a slave, holding a sword to their throat and says ‘Go Back or This One Dies!”
*Entire Party Bursts Into Loud Mocking Laughter*
Cleric: ”’I’ve been to the swamp on a horse with no name’ doesn’t have the same ring to it.”
*several people start singing* “I’ve been to the jungle on a horse with no name!”
DM: Okay. You’re in a bog.
Rogue: ”Bog?! We started out in a swamp!”
DM: ”If you’re gonna start singing, you’re in a bog.”
”It’s all fun and games until an undead kicks your ass.”
Rogue: ”Ye-ah. The Dwarf’s insanity is adorable.”
Dwarf:: ”Whatever you say, Tink.”
Rogue: ”I’m not insane.”
Barbarian: ”Debatable.”
Rogue: ”At least I’m not the one who plays poker with a Lich Head in a stick, his Steed and pieces of a Dead Goblin!”
Dwarf:: ”You don’t have common sense!”
Rogue: ”At least I have a soul!”
Dwarf:: ” No, you don’t. It belongs to the Raven Queen.”
Rogue: ”Only temporarily!”
*bickering*
Icka!: ”You two, stop flirting. It’s getting way too saccharine.”
Rogue: …. *Shudder in horror* Geh.
Dwarf:: “…. Oh, for sooth! You have seen through my plot to steal her soul!”
Rogue’s Mom: “You sure that’s not a euphemism for something else?”
”You’ve been pulled off the Triceratops.”
”He’s giving you a hug!”
”Mother fucker.”
”-I shall call him ‘Insert.”
”My character drops his sword and chainmail shouting ‘Kill Me Now!!!’”
”… I find it kind of amusing that my old character has become like your guys’ boogieman.”
”Yeah, she really has.”
”The Initiative Queen says It’s Not Your Turn! Shut it!”
”I can masturbate with the power of my mind.”
”-Do you take a feat for that?”
”I wish they still sold souls on E-bay.”
”They don’t?”
”Not anymore. Nor on Craigslist. I checked.”
”Double the XP, double the fun.”
DM: “Just so you know, the Gods hate you, that was three ‘1’s in a row.”
”Eww… I got flank…”
”Now you have to go the healer....”
”And get an ointment that burns me…”
”So… You really can talk to the dead.”
”Yes.”
”That’s kinda creepy.”
”That’s why he did it.”
DM: ”-As a ghost Halfling comes up and hugs you from behind.”
Insert: “SURPRISE BUTTSECHS!!!”
*Rogue makes a pained whimper*
SwordMage: “-She shouts that into your buttcrack.”
Rogue: “It’s a lot less pleasant for her than it is for me.”
Insert: “I’m a ghost! I can’t smell anything!”
DM: “And you get 12 points of damage.”
Barbarian: “I hurt myself worse shaving this morning!”
”That’s a Dwarf hairstylist. Hammer it until it’s straight.”
”If you want crimped, just bend it over the side of the anvil and hammer it that way.”
”Or bend it around a pole, get curly ringlets!”
*The Dwarf is unamused.*
”Seriously. Which one of you freaks is carrying a fetish?”
“I’M GONNA DANCE IN YOUR SKIN UNDER A FULL MOON~!”
”Dude. Seriously.”
”Or a tractor trailer, a marching band and a 60-foot tall chicken made of wood.”
”And purple skittles. They’re the Taste O’ Death.”
”I’ll be Liberace before I’m Michael Jackson.”
(repeated frequently)
Rogue: “I AM NOT TAINTED! I’M JUST MISUNDERSTOOD!!!”
”You’re gonna try to ride the Giant Chicken?”
”Yes.”
”Go on. It’ll be awesome. For us.”
“It’s a Giant Chicken, I tell you! A Giant Chicken!”
”No. It’s Ultra Mega Chicken!”
”Robot Chicken!”
*A few people start singing the song to ‘Robot Chicken’*
”-You guys don’t get much done, do you?”
”No. We just kinda stumble around and eventually kill things.”
DM: “By the way, when you dodged passed the Giant Chicken, it took a peck at you and missed.”
Eladrien Cleric: “I’m very good at dodging cock.”
”The chicken explodes, leaving bits of chicken all over the Dwarf.”
”Dinner’s on the Dwarf!”
”… Literally.”
DM: “A little while later, you run across three small robed figures that look a lot like Kobolds. What do you do?”
Rogue: *flails* “We Ate Your Chicken!”
”Don’t worry! We’ve never been known to rape any chicken girls!”
”-But then we’ve never met any chicken girls!”
”Naked isn’t always a good idea.”
”Naked is ALWAYS a good idea!”
”But if I’m naked, where am I going to put my weapons?”
”Put them up your butt!”
”Spandex Space!”
”… I have some Very. Large. Blades. Brass knuckles and such. … i-I don’t want them up my butt...”
”Thunder…. Thunder… THUNDER-PANTS HOOOOooooo~!!!!”
DM: Who’s this?
SwordMage: It’s me.
Rogue: Rarlgh ragh rarlgh rarlgh rah!!!
DM: He swings at you!
SwordMage: *deadpan* He misses.
(nope)
”I’m gonna kill him and maul him and call him George.”
”I want to get two stamps, one that says ‘Not’ and one that says ‘Un’. That way I can undo whatever the DM stamps on my sheet.”
”’Not Resurrected’?”
”And ‘Un-Deceased’, yeah.”
”Is anybody bloodied?”
”How about a ‘Bloodied Mary’? That’d be nice.”
”… Naw. That only happens once a month.”
”You crit’d, didn’t you?”
”Yeah.”
”Feels good, doesn’t it?”
”Yeah.”
Dwarf:: ”Look, just move it there.”
Wizard: ”But that hits the Rogue.”
Dwarf:: ”And?”
Rogue: ”The Rogue is not Tainted! The Rogue is Enraged!”
Rogue: ”… You just crit’d, didn’t you?”
Wizard: *Squeaks* “I’m sorry! It’s my first one!”
Rogue: ”-You Whore!!!!”
”She crit’d the Rogue and missed the monsters.”
”Dude, if she gets herself knocks unconscious, I’m throwing my axe. And I didn’t do it. No one saw me do it.”
”If the swamp is frozen, does that mean it’s easier to navigate?”
*Debate on how Dragons make perfect sense in D&D, but Dinosaurs don’t make any sense what so ever.*
DM: “Who looks crunchy?”
Barbarian: ”I do.”
Dwarf:: “Me.”
Cleric: “I am.”
DM: “Adzel the Crunchable, we’ll go for you first.”
Wizard: ”Crunchatize me, Captain!”
Rogue: “My taint will keep me safe!”
Icka!: “Wait… Your –team- will keep you safe?!”
Rogue: “Oh, hell no. My taint will. My team will leave me to die and laugh.”
Icka!: “Okay good. If you said team, I was about to say that your faith was severely misplaced.”
”No shit, don’t move to Missouri.”
”What about Missouri?”
”Missouri loves company.”
”Jesus is the original zombie.”
”Yes.”
”No!”
”No?”
”Lazarus is the original zombie. Jesus is the original Lich Necromancer.”
DM: “A troll pulls out a slave, holding a sword to their throat and says ‘Go Back or This One Dies!”
*Entire Party Bursts Into Loud Mocking Laughter*
Cleric: ”’I’ve been to the swamp on a horse with no name’ doesn’t have the same ring to it.”
*several people start singing* “I’ve been to the jungle on a horse with no name!”
DM: Okay. You’re in a bog.
Rogue: ”Bog?! We started out in a swamp!”
DM: ”If you’re gonna start singing, you’re in a bog.”
”It’s all fun and games until an undead kicks your ass.”
Rogue: ”Ye-ah. The Dwarf’s insanity is adorable.”
Dwarf:: ”Whatever you say, Tink.”
Rogue: ”I’m not insane.”
Barbarian: ”Debatable.”
Rogue: ”At least I’m not the one who plays poker with a Lich Head in a stick, his Steed and pieces of a Dead Goblin!”
Dwarf:: ”You don’t have common sense!”
Rogue: ”At least I have a soul!”
Dwarf:: ” No, you don’t. It belongs to the Raven Queen.”
Rogue: ”Only temporarily!”
*bickering*
Icka!: ”You two, stop flirting. It’s getting way too saccharine.”
Rogue: …. *Shudder in horror* Geh.
Dwarf:: “…. Oh, for sooth! You have seen through my plot to steal her soul!”
Rogue’s Mom: “You sure that’s not a euphemism for something else?”
”You’ve been pulled off the Triceratops.”
”He’s giving you a hug!”
”Mother fucker.”
”-I shall call him ‘Insert.”
”My character drops his sword and chainmail shouting ‘Kill Me Now!!!’”
”… I find it kind of amusing that my old character has become like your guys’ boogieman.”
”Yeah, she really has.”
”The Initiative Queen says It’s Not Your Turn! Shut it!”
”I can masturbate with the power of my mind.”
”-Do you take a feat for that?”
”I wish they still sold souls on E-bay.”
”They don’t?”
”Not anymore. Nor on Craigslist. I checked.”
”Double the XP, double the fun.”
DM: “Just so you know, the Gods hate you, that was three ‘1’s in a row.”
”Eww… I got flank…”
”Now you have to go the healer....”
”And get an ointment that burns me…”
”So… You really can talk to the dead.”
”Yes.”
”That’s kinda creepy.”
”That’s why he did it.”
DM: ”-As a ghost Halfling comes up and hugs you from behind.”
Insert: “SURPRISE BUTTSECHS!!!”
*Rogue makes a pained whimper*
SwordMage: “-She shouts that into your buttcrack.”
Rogue: “It’s a lot less pleasant for her than it is for me.”
Insert: “I’m a ghost! I can’t smell anything!”
DM: “And you get 12 points of damage.”
Barbarian: “I hurt myself worse shaving this morning!”
”That’s a Dwarf hairstylist. Hammer it until it’s straight.”
”If you want crimped, just bend it over the side of the anvil and hammer it that way.”
”Or bend it around a pole, get curly ringlets!”
*The Dwarf is unamused.*
”Seriously. Which one of you freaks is carrying a fetish?”
“I’M GONNA DANCE IN YOUR SKIN UNDER A FULL MOON~!”
”Dude. Seriously.”
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no subject
Date: 2009-05-25 03:50 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-05-25 05:16 am (UTC)Okay, I have to ask: are you saying 'Rouge' (pronounced 'rooj') as in the word for red? or 'Rogue', as pronounced 'rog' with a hard g and a long o? Meaning a vagabond or misfit? People get the two spellings mixed up all the time, so I wondered.
no subject
Date: 2009-05-26 08:37 am (UTC)Is 'Rogue', as in 'Thief' as in 'Pretty Pretty Princess'. >D
no subject
Date: 2009-05-25 05:47 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-05-25 07:56 am (UTC)I think you have more fun than we do. and that's saying something.
I wanna joinnnnn, seriously...
but your D&D sessions cut into ours, and...that's not cool D:
no subject
Date: 2009-05-25 04:11 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-05-25 05:17 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-05-26 05:16 am (UTC)Good times!
no subject
Date: 2009-05-26 07:24 pm (UTC)2nd: AHHHHH FILE WITH PODFIC WAS CORRUPTED AHHH I WAS DONE.