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I have never thought of myself as an American.

It's not a patriotic thing, it's not an anti-patroitic thing. It's just never been part of my personal identity.

S'like, I grew up in Los Angeles. I never lived in LA. However, I did live in Tucson. There's a difference there, y'see?

And then I moved out of the United States of America. And suddenly, it's become... well, not so much my identity, but a label that I've suddenly been stuck with. This is Icka. She's from the States.

Hi. My name is Icka. I talk funny. Excuse me, "Exotically" (not my word).

Think one of the comments that has infuriated me the most was a former supervisor telling me "There's an entire world outside of America, you know."

No, I never would have guessed. That must be why my passport has funny looking stamps in it.

Then today I was reading an entry over on [livejournal.com profile] detective_conan: "Is Conan really that inconsequential to our fellow American anime fans?".

-There's an entire world outside of America, y'know.

*head desk* *head desk* *head desk*

Part of it is Fandom related. I remember being surprised about the time I met Kosagi to find out that she was in the States because that raised it to a grand total of 5 active Detective Conan fans inside the US. Everyone else I knew in the fandom were scattered across the globe.

-granted, with the introduction of Case Closed, that has changed, but it's still a bit of a surprise to realise that there are DC fans in the States.

It was recently pointed out to me that the US is a very isolated country. There's only two countries bordering it and there's two very large oceans on either side. To get anywhere, save Canada and Mexico, requires a plane trip that on a commercial jet takes over 9 hours. And that's bred a very insular mindset.

-How else can you explain country that calls a championship for it's national sport 'The World Series', then doesn't invite anyone else?

*sighs* I guess living outside of the US gives me a difference in perspective I never had before. Americans, by and large, are not stupid. They're Ignorant. And most of the time, they're ignorant that they're ignorant.

*trails off*

... Y'know, had a whole rant here... but now I'm just tired. Both physically and mentally. Cause, y'know... I get tired of being looked at funny cause I'm from the States, so I must be slow or stupid, cause all people know about the States is what's shown on TV. The Simpsons. South Park. American Idol. Sopranos.

... yes, these are your ambassadors of american life to the wide world...

I -like- not being in the US. I don't like 'being American' tacked on as part of my personal identity. I AM MYSELF, DAMMIT. And Myself belongs to this -World-, not a single country.

I hate the fact that as David's looking at universities world wide, one of the considerations is will me, as a US citizen, be able to live there? Because there are quite a few places that being American is at worst deadly, at best constantly harassed. But if I was from a different english speaking country, I'd be fine.

I hate watching the news, seeing what Bush is doing now and knowing people are going to ask my why the Americans allow this and not having an answer. Because the US is a democratic society, therefore everyone in the country must be responsable for his actions.

It's not that people are being rude here or anything, but I still get these questions and I have no answers for them.

It just... it gets old, y'know?

Date: 2006-07-17 11:49 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] desdemona-snape.livejournal.com
I know exactly how you feel, though I've lived in China so long that I feel awkward in both places. You feel ashamed of your fellow Americans sometimes, and other times you wonder if you should cheer for them (like the world cup or the olympics) because by and by it's still home, even if you dont live there.

yet everywhere u go everyone says "oh this is my friend/cousin/colleague, and guess what! she's american!" like its something so unusual like, i dunno, horns on your head. but you like taking advantage of that (officer hails you for parking in teh wrong place.. spit out a string of english and then they wave you off...). but you also take advantage of being an international (like I'm chinese so i let them think i'm native sometimes... though its hold cuz i'm obviously Manchurian rather than Han)

and then the worst is when they realize not only are you american, but u're fluent in their language. Then its "Why did you attack Iraq? Why are you holding Saddam Hussein? Why did you elect George Bush (who's name is synonomous with 'idiot')?" when it's not me, it's the american government.


...i dont know where i'm going with this. sorry.

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Icka! M. Chif

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