[fic] TGZ: On Three.
Jun. 27th, 2005 03:19 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ickaimpEvery so often we give ourselves a fic challenge. Usually it’s some random line.
This time, it was a bit of an… um… activity. Because we thought it was a funny mental picture. Prolly will not be added to the TGZ page, just leaving it here.
Labeling this as NOT work-safe.
Thanks to![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
ysabet for brainstorming the beginning with us. (“So, Ysabet… I kinda need a reason for them to shed their clothing really quickly… any ideas?”)
+++
"Yeah, okay, we've established -what- this shit is..." Kaito groused as they squished as fast as squishily possible towards the back door and laundry room of the Hakuba house. The back garden was going to thank them for this in a few months. "But what the hell was this shit doing in a spray fertilizer lorry in the middle of frikkin' WINTER?!"
They'd been peacefully walking back from lunch and a game of darts --they'd made him stand on the other side of the room as a 'handicap and he'd still beat them soundly-- when a large sprayer lorry had pulled along side them and blasted them both with liquid fertilizer.
Liquid fertilizer, as Saguru explained, was manure --like pig shit-- that was saturated in water, then sprayed over the fields to help the crops grow. It REEKED. However, this usually took place in spring, for the growing plants.
"Actually..." Saguru cleared his throat, looking embarrassed under his several coatings of liquid shit "I think I may possibly know why..."
"Yeah?" Kaito raised an eyebrow. Saguru had taken the brunt of the spray for three reasons. A: Saguru seemed to be the intended target, B: Kaito was better at dodging and running like hell and C: Saguru had managed, once again, to place himself between Kaito and the source their current troubles. It was beginning to be a habit that Kaito wasn't sure if he should be annoyed at or thank him for.
"I... sort of arrested the driver's brother a few years ago." Saguru muttered.
"Yeah?" Okay, that was making a bit of sense. He could sort of understand that, revenge for a slight on a family member. "What for?"
"Stealing a pig."
"...." Kaito paused, staring at the detective. If it wasn't for the brown-grey goop all over them, he'd say that the blond was bright red.
"He was the primary suspect for a murder at the time." Saguru muttered, slogging on and forcing Kaito to jog a few steps to catch up with him. "He couldn't have done it however, not with him committing pig theft at the time. So I cleared him of the accusation of murder, but he was still arrested for theft."
"... So now his brother finds out that you're back in town and covers you in pig shit in retaliation."
"Essentially, yes." Saguru nodded, serene once again.
Kaito snorted. Ugh. Shit stink. He was going to be lucky if he didn't loose his sense of smell for days after this. "This stinks." Literally. To hog heaven, even. "You gonna tell the police?"
Saguru shrugged tiredly. "Possibly. I don't know."
"Feh." Kaito shrugged his shoulders and trudged up the single stair into the small laundry room -- more of a mostly enclosed porch-- dismissing the idea for now. Right now getting out of the damp clothing, getting warm and getting clean had priority. He grimaced as he stuck his hands into the coat pockets and pulled the various articles there and tucked them on one of the shelves. He noticed Saguru doing the same, after lifting the lid to the washer. They both shucked out of their coats and tossed them in. Shoes came off and set outside for rinsing later. Socks followed.
Kaito hesitated at the shirt --it was -cold- outside-- before peeling it off and using it like a rag to clean the worst of the shit off his face and hands. His pants had a relatively clean line where the shit had hit the coat instead, but had absorbed the water from the disgusting goop and were damp at the top. He made a face, wrestling them off his hips and tossed them in the washer as well, leaving him in his chilly underclothes.
Saguru tossed his pants in as well, a disgusted look on his face. "We stink."
"Yup." Kaito picked at his undershirt, which seemed to have picked up the moisture as well. It had certainly picked up the scent. "Under garments?" He questioned. He did NOT want these sitting in his bedroom for any length of time. For all he knew, the scent was contagious, everything it touched, it turned to stink.
The blond sighed, sounding weary. "Yeah. I suppose so."
Kaito nodded, pulling off his undershirt and tossing it in with the rest of the shit soaked clothing. He paused, his fingers on his hips, realizing that if he took his underpants off, he'd be naked. Which really shouldn't be a big deal, it was just like changing into gym clothes for Phys Ed with the guys in school. Or using the public baths.
Except this wasn't Phys Ed and this wasn't the public baths. This was his friend and partner in crime. This was the guy he slept next to half the nights. Whom he kissed and made out with, except it had been months since they did that regularly and some quick necking in a side alley didn't count. This was Saguru, the person he was having some sort relationship with and some how that made it A Big Deal.
Saguru tossed his garments into the washer, his face expressionless. A second glance revealed --damn, Saguru wasn’t just taller than him-- that the high blush that marked Saguru being embarrassed was visible under the grime that coated his face. The detective was as nervous as he was.
Okay then.
He slipped out of his last remaining shred of clothing and tossed it in the washer. Saguru tossed in the laundry soap, shut the lid and started the washer. "Ready?" Saguru asked as the water began to pour into the washer.
"Yeah." He agreed, then paused, frowning. He could hear the washer... but now there was another sound too.
The detective paused as well. "Something wrong?"
"Do you-" There it was again, high pitched and on the shrill side. "-hear laughter?"
"Laugh..." Saguru trailed off, frowning. "...ter. Oh, shit."
No, the shit was in the washer, all over their clothing. "What?"
Saguru looked almost terrified. "Tea. It's Mum's turn for holding the Women's Tea."
Women's tea... which meant that there was a gaggle of women sitting downstairs, drinking tea and gossiping.
A gaggle of women sitting Right. By. The. Stairs.
Well, shit.
Well, he -could- probably scale the wall to the guest bedroom if he really needed to,. However, it was frikkin' cold and he'd probably freeze his balls off in the process.
And their clothes were all in the washer, covered in pig shit, water and laundry detergent.
"The way I'm seeing it," Saguru said carefully "We have three choices."
Kaito raised an eyebrow. "Which are?"
"One." Saguru held up a finger, the other hand casually draped to cover himself that did nothing to hide the fact that he was indeed a natural blond. "We somehow manage to sneak upstairs to our rooms without attracting notice."
Kaito nodded. Figured that one out for himself, thanks. Although he still hadn't figured out how to get Saguru up there.
"Two." Saguru unfolded his thumb. "We brazen it out, walk upstairs like nothing is wrong."
Kaito nodded. That was one possible way to escape notice. Worked wonders in heists. Act like you knew what you were doing and people didn't ask questions.
"Three." A third finger joined the other two. "We run like hell and hope they don't see anything they shouldn't."
Kaito nodded.
"Any suggestions?" Saguru queried.
Another trill of laughter caused them both to grimace. "Three is good." Kaito commented.
"Three it is then." The detective nodded. "On three?"
"Perfect." The faster they got inside and out of the cold, the better he was about it.
"THREE!"
Saguru, by virtue of being closest to the door, opened it while Kaito dashed inside. Saguru wasn't more than a step behind him however, as they dashed through the kitchen --fortunately, no women-- down the hallway --no women-- around the banister and dashed up the stairs, mooning the living room, full of women.
They were up the stairs, down the hall and slammed the door to Saguru's bedroom shut, leaning against it as they panted for breath before the first screams of laughter caught them.
"Well..." Kaito grinned over at the flush-faced detective. "That went well."
Saguru responded by opening his bedroom door and abruptly shoving Kaito back into the hall.
Kaito grinned in retaliation, quickly trotting the hall before Saguru could follow. "Dibs on the shower!"
-fin-
This time, it was a bit of an… um… activity. Because we thought it was a funny mental picture. Prolly will not be added to the TGZ page, just leaving it here.
Labeling this as NOT work-safe.
Thanks to
ysabet for brainstorming the beginning with us. (“So, Ysabet… I kinda need a reason for them to shed their clothing really quickly… any ideas?”)+++
"Yeah, okay, we've established -what- this shit is..." Kaito groused as they squished as fast as squishily possible towards the back door and laundry room of the Hakuba house. The back garden was going to thank them for this in a few months. "But what the hell was this shit doing in a spray fertilizer lorry in the middle of frikkin' WINTER?!"
They'd been peacefully walking back from lunch and a game of darts --they'd made him stand on the other side of the room as a 'handicap and he'd still beat them soundly-- when a large sprayer lorry had pulled along side them and blasted them both with liquid fertilizer.
Liquid fertilizer, as Saguru explained, was manure --like pig shit-- that was saturated in water, then sprayed over the fields to help the crops grow. It REEKED. However, this usually took place in spring, for the growing plants.
"Actually..." Saguru cleared his throat, looking embarrassed under his several coatings of liquid shit "I think I may possibly know why..."
"Yeah?" Kaito raised an eyebrow. Saguru had taken the brunt of the spray for three reasons. A: Saguru seemed to be the intended target, B: Kaito was better at dodging and running like hell and C: Saguru had managed, once again, to place himself between Kaito and the source their current troubles. It was beginning to be a habit that Kaito wasn't sure if he should be annoyed at or thank him for.
"I... sort of arrested the driver's brother a few years ago." Saguru muttered.
"Yeah?" Okay, that was making a bit of sense. He could sort of understand that, revenge for a slight on a family member. "What for?"
"Stealing a pig."
"...." Kaito paused, staring at the detective. If it wasn't for the brown-grey goop all over them, he'd say that the blond was bright red.
"He was the primary suspect for a murder at the time." Saguru muttered, slogging on and forcing Kaito to jog a few steps to catch up with him. "He couldn't have done it however, not with him committing pig theft at the time. So I cleared him of the accusation of murder, but he was still arrested for theft."
"... So now his brother finds out that you're back in town and covers you in pig shit in retaliation."
"Essentially, yes." Saguru nodded, serene once again.
Kaito snorted. Ugh. Shit stink. He was going to be lucky if he didn't loose his sense of smell for days after this. "This stinks." Literally. To hog heaven, even. "You gonna tell the police?"
Saguru shrugged tiredly. "Possibly. I don't know."
"Feh." Kaito shrugged his shoulders and trudged up the single stair into the small laundry room -- more of a mostly enclosed porch-- dismissing the idea for now. Right now getting out of the damp clothing, getting warm and getting clean had priority. He grimaced as he stuck his hands into the coat pockets and pulled the various articles there and tucked them on one of the shelves. He noticed Saguru doing the same, after lifting the lid to the washer. They both shucked out of their coats and tossed them in. Shoes came off and set outside for rinsing later. Socks followed.
Kaito hesitated at the shirt --it was -cold- outside-- before peeling it off and using it like a rag to clean the worst of the shit off his face and hands. His pants had a relatively clean line where the shit had hit the coat instead, but had absorbed the water from the disgusting goop and were damp at the top. He made a face, wrestling them off his hips and tossed them in the washer as well, leaving him in his chilly underclothes.
Saguru tossed his pants in as well, a disgusted look on his face. "We stink."
"Yup." Kaito picked at his undershirt, which seemed to have picked up the moisture as well. It had certainly picked up the scent. "Under garments?" He questioned. He did NOT want these sitting in his bedroom for any length of time. For all he knew, the scent was contagious, everything it touched, it turned to stink.
The blond sighed, sounding weary. "Yeah. I suppose so."
Kaito nodded, pulling off his undershirt and tossing it in with the rest of the shit soaked clothing. He paused, his fingers on his hips, realizing that if he took his underpants off, he'd be naked. Which really shouldn't be a big deal, it was just like changing into gym clothes for Phys Ed with the guys in school. Or using the public baths.
Except this wasn't Phys Ed and this wasn't the public baths. This was his friend and partner in crime. This was the guy he slept next to half the nights. Whom he kissed and made out with, except it had been months since they did that regularly and some quick necking in a side alley didn't count. This was Saguru, the person he was having some sort relationship with and some how that made it A Big Deal.
Saguru tossed his garments into the washer, his face expressionless. A second glance revealed --damn, Saguru wasn’t just taller than him-- that the high blush that marked Saguru being embarrassed was visible under the grime that coated his face. The detective was as nervous as he was.
Okay then.
He slipped out of his last remaining shred of clothing and tossed it in the washer. Saguru tossed in the laundry soap, shut the lid and started the washer. "Ready?" Saguru asked as the water began to pour into the washer.
"Yeah." He agreed, then paused, frowning. He could hear the washer... but now there was another sound too.
The detective paused as well. "Something wrong?"
"Do you-" There it was again, high pitched and on the shrill side. "-hear laughter?"
"Laugh..." Saguru trailed off, frowning. "...ter. Oh, shit."
No, the shit was in the washer, all over their clothing. "What?"
Saguru looked almost terrified. "Tea. It's Mum's turn for holding the Women's Tea."
Women's tea... which meant that there was a gaggle of women sitting downstairs, drinking tea and gossiping.
A gaggle of women sitting Right. By. The. Stairs.
Well, shit.
Well, he -could- probably scale the wall to the guest bedroom if he really needed to,. However, it was frikkin' cold and he'd probably freeze his balls off in the process.
And their clothes were all in the washer, covered in pig shit, water and laundry detergent.
"The way I'm seeing it," Saguru said carefully "We have three choices."
Kaito raised an eyebrow. "Which are?"
"One." Saguru held up a finger, the other hand casually draped to cover himself that did nothing to hide the fact that he was indeed a natural blond. "We somehow manage to sneak upstairs to our rooms without attracting notice."
Kaito nodded. Figured that one out for himself, thanks. Although he still hadn't figured out how to get Saguru up there.
"Two." Saguru unfolded his thumb. "We brazen it out, walk upstairs like nothing is wrong."
Kaito nodded. That was one possible way to escape notice. Worked wonders in heists. Act like you knew what you were doing and people didn't ask questions.
"Three." A third finger joined the other two. "We run like hell and hope they don't see anything they shouldn't."
Kaito nodded.
"Any suggestions?" Saguru queried.
Another trill of laughter caused them both to grimace. "Three is good." Kaito commented.
"Three it is then." The detective nodded. "On three?"
"Perfect." The faster they got inside and out of the cold, the better he was about it.
"THREE!"
Saguru, by virtue of being closest to the door, opened it while Kaito dashed inside. Saguru wasn't more than a step behind him however, as they dashed through the kitchen --fortunately, no women-- down the hallway --no women-- around the banister and dashed up the stairs, mooning the living room, full of women.
They were up the stairs, down the hall and slammed the door to Saguru's bedroom shut, leaning against it as they panted for breath before the first screams of laughter caught them.
"Well..." Kaito grinned over at the flush-faced detective. "That went well."
Saguru responded by opening his bedroom door and abruptly shoving Kaito back into the hall.
Kaito grinned in retaliation, quickly trotting the hall before Saguru could follow. "Dibs on the shower!"
-fin-
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2005-06-27 03:00 pm (UTC)Icka, have I ever told you how much I love your writing? XD
no subject
Date: 2005-06-27 06:13 pm (UTC)Thank you! #^^#
no subject
Date: 2005-06-27 05:38 pm (UTC)The laughing Women. Laughing.
%Laughs%
Well done -^_________^-
%And Aye, that was meaaaaan of the truck driver XcD Does this mean Saguru needs to get a new coat again?%
no subject
Date: 2005-06-27 06:13 pm (UTC)Glad you liked it! XD ((Huggles!))
no subject
Date: 2005-06-27 06:50 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-06-27 07:11 pm (UTC)Probably just me having seen "Quest for the Holy Grail" to often ;^.^a
no subject
Date: 2005-06-27 08:39 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-06-28 08:02 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-06-28 01:51 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-06-28 08:03 am (UTC)Icka, you are my God! X3
no subject
Date: 2005-06-27 07:37 pm (UTC)*applauds*
*throws roses and worships at your feet*
no subject
Date: 2005-06-28 01:58 am (UTC)Faster, Harder AND More!! XD XD XD
no subject
Date: 2005-06-28 04:55 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-06-27 10:17 pm (UTC)The women at tea time just made it even more perfect! *beats fist on desk, stifling laughter as her dad cooks in the kitchen where the computer is*
Favorite line!
A second glance revealed --damn, Saguru wasn’t just taller than him--
*tries her hardest to stifle the laughter* You...are...teh...winnar...*falls out of chair*
no subject
Date: 2005-06-28 11:49 pm (UTC)... forgot to add the line about Saguru chasing his ass up the stairs. Bugger.
no subject
Date: 2005-06-29 07:49 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-06-28 02:33 am (UTC)silly saguru, Kiato got the shower first.
no subject
Date: 2005-06-28 08:14 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-06-28 11:46 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-06-29 07:52 am (UTC)Hakuba: *shoves his way into the shower* "As the man of this household, I should get the first shower."
Kaito: "Hell no! Guests come first!"
*they shove at each other and--SLIP!*
CLONK!
Kaito: "...ite..."
Hakuba: "...I'm not going to ask what that is."
Kaito: "Bar of soap?"
*headdesks* Bed time for teh Jeva!
no subject
Date: 2005-06-29 03:19 pm (UTC)*nosebleeds*
*dies* XD
*snickers madly*
Date: 2005-06-28 04:34 am (UTC)*falls over laughing* Hakuba's mum is going to be giggling and making comments for weeks!
Re: *snickers madly*
Date: 2005-06-28 11:47 pm (UTC)Rest Of Their LIFE if they're not.
... debating doing fanart for this one and kinda going 'nah-uh, nevermind, pass...'
Someone just had to say that word...
Date: 2005-06-30 07:17 pm (UTC)Have you thought of a "Photo Album session"? ;c)
Re: Someone just had to say that word...
Date: 2005-07-01 01:33 am (UTC)OMG!!! Have I expressed my undieing love for your art?! ((GLOMPSHUGGLES!!)) XD XD
Can I PLEASE put that on the TGZ page?! Please please please?!
*squees* *bounces around* *shows it off to friends around the house*
Re: Someone just had to say that word...
Date: 2005-07-01 06:39 pm (UTC)Glad you like!
And of course you may, I mean it is fanart for YOUR fic! XcD
#^___^#