[fic] Various Crack!Fics

[ickaimp]

So my brain kind went sploody and I couldn't think.
Crack!Fic time.
tdei, dogmatix_san and morgan_idril supplied the pairings. Thanks/Blame goes to them.


Pairing: Megure and Vodka
Series: Detective Conan
For: tdei

The problem with being a large man is that sometimes it's not so easy to get out of the way of people on narrow sidewalks.

The problem of two large men on a narrow sidewalk is that it is virtually impossible not to avoid hitting each other without someone ended up in the street. Which is a bad thing, due to the fact that there are cars, which are even larger and heavier than your average large human.

So, mildly put, collisions happen.

"Oof!"

"Ow!"

"Ah, suman! Suman... is that a pink plastic flamingo?" Megure's eyes went wide in surprise.

Vodka glanced at him nervously, eyes hidden behind his dark sunglasses as he picked up the pink plastic flamingo that had fallen out of his black trenchcoat. "So?" He demanded, anticipating a fight.

"I have one as well!" Megure beamed at the man in black, pulling out a pink plastic flamingo from his tan trenchcoat for the other to see. "I call him 'Ballet'. What's yours called?"

Vodka grinned back. To some, it would have been a scary smile, the last thing you saw before you died. To Megure however, it was one a friendly expression of a fellow kindred spirit. "Tango.”

“Tango!” Megure exclaimed. “What a lovely name!”

”Thanks.” The assassin’s grin grew larger. “I was just on my way to Flamingos Anonymous, you ever go?"

"I was just on my way there!" Megure proclaimed happily. His expression fell slightly as he admitted. "I got a little turned around... which block was it again?"

"Just follow me." Vodka motioned for the police officer to follow him as they happily walked down the narrow sidewalk, introducing their flamingos to each other as the pink plastic birds sweatdropped.

-fin-


Pairing: Jounouchi and Kaiba
Series: Yu-Gi-Oh!
For: ickaimp

Jounouchi blinked.

Kaiba blinked.

Jounouchi looked at Kaiba. "Well, that was unexpected."

Kaiba glared back. When he discovered who was responsible for this equipment malfunction, he was going to have their heads.

... once he got his eyesight back from the blinding light, that was. Everything was in funny shades of blurry grey.

"Shut it, Mutt."

"Actually...." Jounouchi patted the top of Kaiba's head. Or more appropriately, his new, longer ears. "Mutt is a really good look on you."

-fin-


Pairing: Kaiba and Black Magician
Series: Yu-Gi-oh!
dogmatix_san

"You know what?" Kaiba glared at the Black Magician, who was looking down at him smugly, making a tsk-ing sound as he waggled a finger at the multi-billionaire.

The Black Magician raised an inquiring eyebrow.

"That." Kaiba snapped. “Is really annoying.”

Black Magician looked down at the finger, as if he was just realizing that he was suddenly holding a mysterious weapon. Then, with a look that could only truly be described as malicious joy, the magic card did it again.

This time, Kaiba grabbed the offending finger and pulled.

Just before he passed out from the toxic green cloud that emerged from the Black Magician's backside, Kaiba made the rather shocking discovery that the Battle Arenas weren’t just designed for sight and sound, but rigged for scent as well.

-fin-


Pairing: Conan and Akako
Series: Detective Conan and Magic Kaito
For: morgan_idril

Conan stared up at the woman towering above him. Well, he would have, if he could have seen her face past her cleavage, not that it was a large amount of cleavage, just that he was at the angle was wrong and oh, my did those legs go all the way up?

Then she leaned down and he had to remind himself that no, he wasn't seventeen years old, he was seven, at least physically and he shouldn't be having those kind of thoughts. Period. And it kinda sorta maybe felt like cheating on Ran a little bit, but he couldn't look away either.

"Hmmm..." The woman made a thoughtful sound that bypassed his child body completely and went straight for the part of him that was still a hormonal teenager and his mind went completely blank.

"You look..." An eyebrow arched under a miniature waterfall of thick dark red hair, like blood once it had dried, only more luxurious and he almost reached up to touch it as her lips creased into a small frown that was almost a thoughtful pout. "Familiar some how...."

"Ah... ah... ah..." Nope, didn't know her, he would REMEMBER meeting her before and he sure as hell didn't and where the hell was his brain when he needed it? Idiot! Ask her name! Her number! Anything!!! Something other than staring at her like a hormonal driven idiot drooling!!!

"Ah, well." She patted him on the head in what was probably supposed to be an absent gesture but felt more like a gentle electric prod that ran straight from his scalp to his toes, warm and inviting. "You couldn't be the Raven anyway."

The words were almost on his tongue, that yes, he could be, he'd be anything she wanted, just ASK, but she turned and walked off, the crowd parting before her like magic. Boys, men, people of the male persuasion in general and not a few women all stared after her, gazes wide and adoring.

"Conan-kuuuuun!!" He could hear footsteps come running up behind him and then he was surrounded by his friends, who were peering at him anxiously.

"You okay, Conan-kun?" Ayumi asked, pressing a hand against his forehead. "You're all red."

"Wow! Look at THAT Neesan!" Genta exclaimed and he didn't need to look to know who Genta and Mitsuhiko were drooling over.

"I'm fine." He assured Ayumi, waving her off, feeling a bit lightheaded now that the blood was once again circulating in his body. "I think... I'm just gonna go sit down for a while."

And he did.

-fin-


Pairing: Alphonse and Gluttony
Series: FullMetal Alchemist
For: tdei

Gluttony looked up at Al with what was probably best explained as large Puppy Dog Eyes, if it wasn't for the fact that they were small and beady looking. The large homunculus had a pudgy finger in his mouth, completely the look.

"Are you going to eat that?" Gluttony finally asked.

"..." Al stared back. "I don't eat."

"I eat!" Gluttony informed him cheerfully. "All sorts of things!"

"Then be my guest." Alphonse nodded. "Just as long as you don't eat me."

"Okay!" The homunculus gleefully devoured the meal that had been set before Al, smiling like he had just found a new best friend.

Al sighed. Well, he -supposed- that was one way to keep from getting eaten....

-fin-

And lazulisong wrote a TGZ snippet! XD Woot!

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O___o Things my mind was never meant to comprehend. *Shakes Head And Wanders Off In A Daze*