Too make sure I don't repeat anything mentioned! ^^*
1) "Of course." He turned so Mokuba could see that the small silver device was attached to his light purple obi as he'd been instructed. If Kaiba was his Blue Eyes White Dragon and Jounouchi was his Red Eyes Black Dragon, then Yuugi was dressed as his Black Magician. Yuugi leaned forward to reveal the wire-thin head band with two strange little devices attached that were hidden in his hair. "That right?"
2)"Finally Kaiba released him, turning to walk away." This line is bugging me - perhaps making it "Finally Kaiba released him and began to walk away." Might be just the change in tenses bugging me. ^^* The rest looks okay ^___^ - I like this chappy
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branchandroot
Re: Don't take the icon personally. (It's for the moment the Grammar Bitch Icon)
Date: 2006-05-28 03:27 am (UTC)1) "Of course." He turned so Mokuba could see that the small silver device was attached to his light purple obi as he'd been instructed. If Kaiba was his Blue Eyes White Dragon and Jounouchi was his Red Eyes Black Dragon, then Yuugi was dressed as his Black Magician. Yuugi leaned forward to reveal the wire-thin head band with two strange little devices attached that were hidden in his hair. "That right?"
2)"Finally Kaiba released him, turning to walk away." This line is bugging me - perhaps making it "Finally Kaiba released him and began to walk away." Might be just the change in tenses bugging me. ^^*
The rest looks okay ^___^ - I like this chappy