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So... evidently Heiji's dub name is Harley.
*waggles eyebrows and leers* Anyone wanna take a ride? ^_________^

Reminds me, must make a Korogo icon with the text "Tell me, How did you become a Dick?"
-line from an 80s show called 'Remington Steel', BTW.

Stoopid MK/FMA fic mutated last night, so y'all are getting 4 pieces instead of the usual 2.
The one with Hakuba's POV was orginally gonna have german in it, but it was decided to skip it. ^^;; sorry.

Fic is now up to 24 pages/67k, *.txt file. o_O Everyone's a Prat.



+++ Alphonse +++

Al wondered if he should have told Kitty that Saguru was currently hiding inside of him. Then he figured that by the time Kitty was all the way hidden inside of him that the thief had probably figured it out.

Especially by the sudden clanking and shifting from his insides. It somewhat reminded him of when he had been younger and had eaten something that didn't agree with him, making his stomach rumble and make funny noises.

Only his stomach back then hadn't used words that would make his mother wash his mouth out with soap and demanded that Kitty get his face out of Hakuba's crotch.

Brother twitched, pausing in mid-step. Kitty hissed something back that was most likely along the lines of Hakuba getting his crotch out of Kitty's face.

Al was highly grateful that he couldn't blush and began to whistle softly. Brother buried his head in his flesh hand as he reached back and tapped on the metal front plate with his automail hand, making a thudding sound. It sounded differently with people inside of him instead of his normal hollow self.

His passengers thankfully shut up, lowering the volume to muted grumbling as he carefully treaded the steps to Mustang's office. He didn't want to accidentally shift and pinch somebody's limbs or fingers by accident.

Brother led them through the building, slouching slightly and hands in pockets, obviously not looking forward to the up coming meeting. Al did his best to walk as normally as he could and not slouch or look guilty. Not many people could or actually would bother reading his body language, but all of those who would were currently in this building. Fortunately for his peace of mind, no one stopped them or even glanced at them funny.

People looked up when they finally entered Mustang's offices, welcoming them both back with smiles and warm greetings. Brother grunted in return, walking steadfastly towards Mustang's office. Al paused to thank them, silently apologising for his brother's behaviour, which every one waved off, well used to it by now.

He felt something shift inside of him before he heard the squawk and his head fell off.

Dead silence filled the room as everyone including himself froze, looking at Saguru's head sticking out of his neck.

Oh, dear.

"Uh... Um, Could someone hand me back my head please?" Saguru said, his voice higher than normal. "I'm not used to the quite armour yet..."

Silence continued to fill the room. Brother covered his face with both hands, a faint groan coming from his throat.

Hawkeye finally walked forward with business like movements, crouching down to pick up the helmet and handing it to him. Al gratefully took it. "Thank you kindly." Saguru said as Al put his head back on his shoulders.

"He's waiting for you." Hawkeye said in return, motioning them forward. She turned and walked back to her desk, obviously putting the entire incident out of her mind. At least for the moment. Brother groaned again and plodded forward, his head drooping as he knocked on the door.

"Come in." Mustang greeted them pleasantly as they walked in, Al shutting the door behind them. The dark haired man then proceeded to give them a friendly smile. "And please, introduce me to our guests."

Brother began making grumbling comments about 'know it alls', 'not bothering' and 'bastards going to some very uncomfortable places' that Al was not going to repeat.

Even if -his- mouth could no longer be washed out with soap...

+++ Hakuba +++

"Guten Morgen!" The warm press of the Kid's body against Hakuba's legs disappeared accompanied by the annoying 'Pon!' of the thief's magical disappearing routine. Hakuba sighed and followed the more conventional way, climbing out of Alphonse's chest cavity, popping joints back into place as he did so. The ride had been less than spacious, especially with the addition of a second person.

"Guten Tag." He corrected absentmindedly. Kid must have picked that up in the market place. It was no longer morning, but afternoon, hence the change from 'Morgan' to 'Tag', or from 'Morning' to 'Day'.

Edward made grumbling introductions, introducing the two of them to his commander, one very smug looking Roy Mustang. He didn't bother to translate most of it other than giving the Kid the smirking man's name.

Kid looked vaguely impressed, watching the interplay between the shortest member of their group and his superior officer. "Wow. Talk about sparks flying." Kid commented.

He raised an eyebrow. "Sparks?" He echoed. Edward did not seem to care much for the company of Mustang, that much was clear. On the other hand, Mustang seemed to be amused by the braided boy's reactions. Much like an older sibling with a bratty little brother.

"Just watch." Kid grinned.

"Now that the pleasantries have been dispensed with, your report please, Edward." Mustang requested with the politeness of a cat before an unaware mouse.

"I've missed you ever so much, come over here and give me a lap dance." Kid translated in a bored monotone.

Hakuba stared at the Kid, wide eyed. He had not expected such pervertness from the thief.

"Why don't we skip it." Edward retorted back. "Since you already know everything anyway."

"Why don't you come over here and blow me first."

"Yes, but your report makes everything complete." There was a slight flash of teeth there, the hint of anticipation as the game began. "And your reports do so liven up my day."

"You would prefer your lap, my face?"

Hakuba felt his cheeks heat up. He wasn't sure if it was from embarrassment, mortification or something else. At least no one else could understand the Kid's comments.

"So glad to liven up your otherwise dull existence." Edward growled. Mustang may have been the cat, but Edward was far from without fangs of his own. "Where do you want me to start?"

"Can't we just cuddle a bit first?"

He was pretty sure his ears were turning red now too.

"From the beginning of course, my dear Edward." Mustang sat back, as if preparing for a highly entertaining show.

"We can do that later, after we've screwed like rabid weasels in he-"

Hakuba placed his hand over Kid's mouth, cutting him off. "While you are talking, would it be possible for my companion and I to get something to eat?" Hakuba said quickly. Kid's eyes were silently laughing at him from above his hand. It was as good of an excuse as any to leave, it had been a while since their meagre breakfast on the train. "He's complaining of hunger."

It was damn good that Kid probably did not understand what he was saying or he'd really be in for a ribbing over that comment.

From the amused look on Mustang's face, the older man didn't buy his hasty explanation one bit. Not that Hakuba blamed him. Mustang picked up a phone and spat some fast orders into it, too fast for Hakuba to catch completely. A moment later, a stiff blonde woman opened the door and saluted.

"This is my Second in Command, Liza Hawkeye." Mustang introduced her politely. "She'll escort you to a conference room and lunch will be brought up to you shortly. Alphonse, if you care to follow them while I debrief your brother?"

The brothers exchanged looks a moment before Edward made a slight shoo-ing motion with a gloved hand, granting tact permission. "Alright." Alphonse agreed.

"This way." Hawkeye lead them out of the room, Hakuba noting that everyone at the desks seemed completely absorbed in their tasks, apparently not seeing them. He wondered about this as a second door was opened, leading to a large but rather plain room with a table, chairs and no windows. A normal conference room, in other words.

A highly defendable room, the sole exit leading to the soldiers in the main office. Kid caught his eye, noticing this fact as well with some unease on his part.

"Your meals will be here in a few minutes." Hawkeye informed them briskly. "Please make your selves comfortable in the mean time."

"Thank you." He inclined his head, taking a seat. Alphonse sat across from him, Kid choosing to lounge in the corner farthest from the door. She nodded back, and then stepped back into the main room, shutting the door behind her.

Hakuba turned towards the Kid. "Kid?"

"Yeah?"

"Belt it."

"What? You don't think they make a cute couple?"

His answering growl was only met by delighted laughter.

+++ Edward +++

"So, to paraphrase. You and Alphonse believe that you have found the Philosopher's stone, only to have it summon these two people from a different place of existence. The white clad thief carries it on him, calling it 'Pandora' and refuses to hand it over believing it is what he and the other one require to return to their home."

Ed sighed. "Yup." The story telling had gone much faster without the others in the room, a small favour he was grateful for. Even if he'd be required to type an edited version of events later into a report. Stupid reports. "He'll be willing to trade it, if we can figure out how to send them home."

"Can you send them home?" Mustang wanted to know, all serious now.

"I don't know yet." Ed confessed honestly. "It'll take some researching in the library, I've never heard of something like this happening before."

Mustang's brows came down, as if he were mulling over the tomes he had read. "Do you believe the stone is safe with this Kitty?" He finally asked, gravely serious.

He shrugged. "As safe as it can be, I guess. He's tricky. You could probably strip him naked and never find it anywhere on him."

The dark haired man appeared to contemplate this for a moment, as if debating trying it. Ed was partially afraid that he -would- try it. Mustang shook his head slightly. "You have noticed Saguru's similarity to you and your brother?"

"Yeah." It was mainly a matter of colouring than features, his eyes having a bit of that odd shape that Kitty's did.

Mustang nodded, apparently reaching a decision. "I'm going to move your quarters." He announced. "So that the four of you remain together. Take Saguru with you when you go to town or the library, make it visible if possible. Alphonse will need to stay behind, to look after Kitty."

Ed was silent for a moment, anger at being separated from his brother stewing in the background as mentally prodded what Mustang was up to -this- time. "You want people to mistake Saguru for Al." He realised.

"Exactly." The dark haired man looked pleased by his deduction. Less confusion about the armour for when he did get his brother back, made sense. "We're going to need to do something about Kitty in the meantime or he's going to attract unwanted attention."

"Camouflage." He picked at a sleeve of his red coat, ideas running around his brain. Battle plan, break things down logically and solve it bit by bit. Just like any other conflict. "Both of them are going to need new clothing."

"I'll leave this in your hands." Mustang informed him loftily. The officer did not shop for people, people shopped for him. "You'll be reimbursed."

"Thanks." He commented dryly. Like he needed to worry about money.

"You're welcome. I'm sure you can figure the rest out." It almost sounded like an insult, that he always got himself in and out of trouble. Mustang waved him out the door. "Dismissed."

He waved and made his leave, taking a small fiendish delight in slamming the door shut after him.

Food first, then execute battle plans.

After all, Growing Alchemists needed their energy...

+++ Kaitou Kid +++

Bored. Bored bored bored bored bored.

He sighed from his hiding spot up in a tree, keeping a lazy eye on Alphonse playing with the small girl Elysia below him. He supposed if he were so inclined, he could go help Gracia in the kitchen but at the moment lacked the enthusiasm to do so. She was a nice lady and all, and he appreciated the fact that she was giving four teenage boys the run of her house, but he was tired of being cooped up.

They had been at this house for almost a week now. Edward and Hakuba would leave early in the day, going to the library where they wouldn't return until late in the day, the Alchemist bringing with him stacks of books that he and his brother would then pour over, either in silence or talking back and forth so rapidly that he couldn't understand it and Hakuba seemed to be unable to keep up with. He and Alphonse usually stayed behind, helping with chores and doing repairs on the house.

Kaito pushed the sunglasses he was wearing higher up on his face, still adjusting to wearing them all the time. Gracia's deceased husband, Maas, had worn glasses all the time and she had given him an old pair to disguise his features. The long square frames didn't hide his face as much as his monocle, but they weren't nearly as awkward either. It was a bit of a relief as well, he wasn't used to being 'Kid' for so long and it was starting to strain his nerves a bit. As much as he enjoyed being the Kid, he needed to be Kaito too.

And it wasn't like he cared if the Elrics or Gracia knew that the Kaitou Kid was Kuroba Kaito, it didn't matter to -them-. But when, not if, they got back home, he'd still have to deal with Hakuba and the whole thief thing. With that thought in mind, he'd managed to get Hakuba to talk the alchemists into getting rid of the prescription and tinting the lenses as a lesson in the Alchemy that the blond was so interested in. The lenses had somehow turned out a golden yellow instead of grey, but worked well to distract from his eyes.

Elysia had liked it, saying it made Kitty look even more like a kitty.

That was another odd thing, not being able to just blend in. He couldn't just take off the costume and be another face in the crowd. Here he was exotic looking, a stranger in a strange land. There was really nothing familiar to him here. The language, the food, the architecture, the clothing, all of it was strange. Even the rice tasted different. There was nothing of -home- here. Not even Hakuba seemed familiar anymore, having taken to this place like a duck to water.

And there was no sign of the Elrics being any closer to getting them back. They had lives here, other priorities that would eventually call them away.

Leaving them here. Leaving him here.

Unease settled in his stomach, leaving a bad taste in his mouth. He missed home.

He wondered how his Mom and Aoko were doing.

Laughter from Elysia and Alphonse drew his attention away from the almost physical longing for his family. With a shake of his head and a stretch, he dismissed the thoughts from his mind.

Focus. He knew that the likelihood of just being able to go home was minute, this took research. The last thing any of them wanted was to be accidentally taken to a different place, even stranger than here.

Stupid red stone. Root of most of his problems. That was one good thing of this whole mess. The more he watched the Elrics, the more comfortable he was with leaving Pandora with them when he left. Edward really did want to turn his brother back again. And hopefully they'd figure out a way to destroy it afterwards, they were all too aware of its risks. Even if they didn't, it was out of the hands of Snake and those idiots in black.

In the mean time, he should take advantage of this opportunity that was given. They had 'normal' clothing, he had his glasses to hide his eyes and he wanted to get out of here and mingle with people again. Too much solitude wasn't good for the soul.

He wondered what it would take to convince someone to escort him around town...

+++

Guess who's gonna be his escort? ^__________^
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Icka! M. Chif

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