[fanfic] A sincere letter of apology to Hakuba Saguru

[ickaimp]

Because if any character needed an apology from us, it'd be Hakuba.

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A sincere letter of apology to Hakuba Saguru from Icka! M. Chif.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry for Koizumi turning you into a squirrel. And calling you 'Sharlene'.

I'm sorry for Koizumi turning you into a horse.

I'm sorry for the 'hung-like-a-horse' jokes.

I'm sorry for the riding jokes.

I'm sorry for the horse jokes in general.

I'm sorry for Koizumi turning you into various small fuzzy creatures and attempting to feed you to her pet rabbit, Mr. Snufflebottoms.

I'm sorry for giving you a elephant plushie to sleep with and giving him such a juvenile name as 'Sir Stinky'.

I'm sorry for the humiliation Sir Stinky has been put through.

I'm sorry for the British jokes. I have nothing but respect for the country and eventually plan to travel there.

I'm sorry for the kilt jokes. Englishmen do not wear kilts, the Scottish do.

I'm sorry for the sheep jokes.

I'm sorry for the underwear jokes. Including the boxer raid and tie-dyeing them.

I'm sorry for dyeing your hair green.

I'm sorry for switching your hair gel for superglue.

I'm sorry for the blond jokes. There haven't been too many as of late, this is an apology in advance.

I'm sorry for the jokes about your inverness coat and deerstalker cap.

I'm sorry for flipping the coat like a skirt.

I'm sorry for making fun of your fashion sense. I do not apologise for the doujinshi we have with you in Hawaiian print shirts however, that is someone else's fault entirely.

I'm sorry about making fun of your handcuffs and saying you have a bondage kink.

I'm sorry for the comments about you having a stick and/or other various large uncomfortable objects stuck up your rear.

I won't apologise for all the comments made during the last trip to Japan about your rear, 'insert love tool here' or saying you looked like you needed help with that. I did smack the person responsible however.

I'm sorry for calling you a Bird-Brain.

I'm sorry about the cracks about your hawk and Watson being female.

I'm sorry for the comments about you having the buoyancy of a rock in water.

I'm sorry for the comments about your head having rocks in it.

I'm sorry about the jokes about your personality or lack there of.

I'm sorry for turning you into an emotionless zombie in the Vampyre Alternate Universe.

I apologise for the AU with you courting the Kid and making you farsighted, giving you reading glasses and contacts. On the other hand, you are getting much snogging out of it...

I'm sorry for making you gay.

In the future, I shall do my utmost in attempting to reign in my Voices and wild imagination and write you as you really are in the manga. Smug, over confident, obsessed, handcuffing Kuroba to yourself, wrestling the Kid, helping him from the other side of the world and informing the Kaitou that no one else is allowed to capture him before you do.

On the other hand, our way is a hell of a lot of fun too, ne?

Sincerely,
Icka! M. Chif,
apologising for the snickering Voices in the background.

-fin-

If this gets posted to FF.net, it'll be minus the 'Insert Love Tool Here' (scans pending) and the references to Shades of Grey cut out.

And curse you Ysabet, for some reason I currently have going thru my head the phrase: "Jell-o wrestling is not a full contact sport." o_O