/me loves, although is slightly bemused by the fact that we seem to have completely independently come up with the idea of Hakuba as the son of one of Gloria's sisters. As part of a larger, more involved crossover, yet.
(Of course, mine started from the EyAoK end and worked more like:
Gloria: Good Lord, Claire's sprog is chasing Kuroba's son around... hm, I wonder if that's chasing or chasing; I believe they are getting to be about that age. I should look young Kuroba up. Kaitou, wasn't it...? Kaito: Masaka. Hakuba's uncle is Dad's Red-sempai. From everything Dad wrote and Mom remembers, they're nothing alike. And I'm sure I saw some references to Red-sempai-ojisan in Dad's secret room, filed under "E" for some reason... Hakuba: When Mum said she disapproved of Uncle Dorian's lifestyle, I thought she meant the riotous living... I'm just going to go home and hide my head under the pillow for a few days. Months. Years.
and certainly didn't have all the backstory that you brought to Shades of Grey and this its sequel.)
I like the bit where Kaito is wondering whether or not he might be poaching from himself (tangled stuff with double identity is one of my buttons; half the reason I loved Lois and Clark back when it was good), and I love the shopping scene (although I've never seen/read whatever it was you gacked the shop from).
I noticed one typo up where Hakuba is introducing Kaito to Gloria --
as the two blond's stepped apart slightly --
-- the apostrophe has no business being there.
Also, the description of the Major getting dangerous --
a gun being taken off of safety in preparation of being fired
-- is awkward. I'm not quite sure what would sound better; maybe "a gun's safety clicking off prepatory to its firing" -- well, that's still awkward -- or maybe just "a gun's safety lock clicking off." Or, if you don't think enough of your readers will know what a safety is, "a gun's initial bullet being loaded into the chamber." As I rather think that's what taking it off safety does.
Oh, and I was a little puzzled by Hakuba yelling "Dorian!" rather than "Uncle Dorian!" But this may just be a personal thing, as I've never addressed any of my aunts or uncles by their given names alone.
The "Love Squid" cracked me up (although I think that "eroica" is Greco-Latin, and possibly German, but NOT English) and I loved the ending. :starts singing: Save the last dance for me...
no subject
/me loves, although is slightly bemused by the fact that we seem to have completely independently come up with the idea of Hakuba as the son of one of Gloria's sisters. As part of a larger, more involved crossover, yet.
(Of course, mine started from the EyAoK end and worked more like:
Gloria: Good Lord, Claire's sprog is chasing Kuroba's son around... hm, I wonder if that's chasing or chasing; I believe they are getting to be about that age. I should look young Kuroba up. Kaitou, wasn't it...?
Kaito: Masaka. Hakuba's uncle is Dad's Red-sempai. From everything Dad wrote and Mom remembers, they're nothing alike. And I'm sure I saw some references to Red-sempai-ojisan in Dad's secret room, filed under "E" for some reason...
Hakuba: When Mum said she disapproved of Uncle Dorian's lifestyle, I thought she meant the riotous living... I'm just going to go home and hide my head under the pillow for a few days. Months. Years.
and certainly didn't have all the backstory that you brought to Shades of Grey and this its sequel.)
I like the bit where Kaito is wondering whether or not he might be poaching from himself (tangled stuff with double identity is one of my buttons; half the reason I loved Lois and Clark back when it was good), and I love the shopping scene (although I've never seen/read whatever it was you gacked the shop from).
I noticed one typo up where Hakuba is introducing Kaito to Gloria --
as the two blond's stepped apart slightly --
-- the apostrophe has no business being there.
Also, the description of the Major getting dangerous --
a gun being taken off of safety in preparation of being fired
-- is awkward. I'm not quite sure what would sound better; maybe "a gun's safety clicking off prepatory to its firing" -- well, that's still awkward -- or maybe just "a gun's safety lock clicking off." Or, if you don't think enough of your readers will know what a safety is, "a gun's initial bullet being loaded into the chamber." As I rather think that's what taking it off safety does.
Oh, and I was a little puzzled by Hakuba yelling "Dorian!" rather than "Uncle Dorian!" But this may just be a personal thing, as I've never addressed any of my aunts or uncles by their given names alone.
The "Love Squid" cracked me up (although I think that "eroica" is Greco-Latin, and possibly German, but NOT English) and I loved the ending. :starts singing: Save the last dance for me...